The Daily Reviewer | caught in my bipolar burble

Quote of the Day

Mar 10, 2010 10:02pm

If a man comes to the door of poetry untouched by the madness of the Muses, believing that technique alone will make him a good poet, he and his sane compositions never reach perfection, but are utterly eclipsed by the performances of the inspired madman. - PLATO (428/427 BC- 348/347BC)<!--Session...

the squealing of brains

Mar 10, 2010 5:44pm

I hadn't planned on discussing my ECT experience with many people. I found it terrible, scarring, not to mention futile and immensely embarrassing; those aren't generally feelings I like to talk about. I still find the idea of shock therapy, well, shocking. Incomprehensible. Absolutely impossible.The problem with being a writer...

the words aren't easy

Mar 8, 2010 6:03pm

People say I'm a good writer, primarily on what I write here. (There are other words, I have written, but so few have read them few have the power to make a determination based on them.)People think that I write about impossible subjects eloquently. I bring the reader into a...

No! Don't go down to the basement!

Mar 7, 2010 1:33pm

I'm writing about the ECT treatment from the perspective of my friend who joined me for the futile pain and chaos. I wanted to write about it because my friend broke up with me over it. I have barely spoken to her since. She just wants nothing to do with...

bubbled

Mar 4, 2010 3:44pm

I've been told that I'm a woman of appetites. It's true, I am. The problem is that my appetites are extreme and so terribly difficult to sate.I like a day when I don't _have_ to do anything. A day off. A day free of work, or homework, of running around,...

Subluxation of Reality

Feb 28, 2010 8:35pm

I keep being swallowed, or I suppose, more accurately, I keep unemerging from the swallow. I have nothing to say except to say that I have said it. I have said how little I care about life, I have said how I don't want to leave the apartment, I have...

Caffeine and Crazy

Feb 21, 2010 2:59pm

Caffeine is the world's most popular psychoactive substance. So many of us love it a la Starbucks, Tim Hortons, or just out or our home coffee machine. Me, I love the stuff. It's the nectar of the gods, and nothing will convince me otherwise.It seems though, that caffeine can actually...

Gobble Gobble

Feb 20, 2010 5:51pm

I never do anything. I don't go anywhere, I don't see anyone, I don't do anything. Yeah, sure, there are classes and work and writing and homework and occasional sex, but really, nothing. There are lots of reasons for this, of course, but there's really only one that matters: I...

It Was Good To See You

Feb 18, 2010 6:34pm

I think that naked flesh should always be pressed and intertwined with mine. Your chest against my breasts, your thigh grinding my pelvis, your hands pressing weight into my arms. I feel completely encased. Wrapped. Cocooned. Protected I suppose. I'm not sure how your body fits mine, quite that well.I...

Why Doesn't Someone Just Love Me Already?

Feb 14, 2010 11:58am

I'm lonely. (Yes, I know I keep saying it, but it keeps being true.) And I'm alone. Both these statements have been true for most of my life. It's pathetic, yes, and true.But honestly, I'm an OK person. I'm not great, I'm not superwoman, I leap buildings in more like...

Do You Love Someone?

Feb 13, 2010 7:40pm

In just a few short hours it will be Valentine's Day. Hope you have lots of chocolate on hand: if you have an other you'll need it, and if you don't, you'll need it.I haven't had an other in...um...well 6 years? Maybe more. Not sure. A lot. Like, a lot....

Shocked Therapy

Feb 11, 2010 12:13pm

Electroshock therapy is barbaric. It just is. Running electricity through a person's brain, inducing seizure, not knowing what it will do is absolutely horrific.The problem is, it often works.In fact it works not just often, but it works more often then any other treatment for intractable depression. That's right, shock...

Tricks and Treats

Feb 1, 2010 12:50pm

I love to look at my writing, all printed out in front of me. I know its masturbatory, but I fondle the pages, admire the layout, and covet the words. Creating them is a magic trick for which not even I know the secret.I'm doing writing for school. Stories and...

I'm Angry With You

Jan 22, 2010 3:34pm

I am angry. All the time. Without fail. Angry. To be alive.This is something newer in my arsenal of self-hating emotions, this anger. It's fresh and sharp with razor edges and a dark, abyss center. It shows itself in little ways: how I hate other people for nothing, how I...

The Happy Couple

Jan 17, 2010 11:35am

You are the Happy Couple, finishing each others sentences, happy to be married, be young, and be beautiful. She has shoulder blade-length dark hair, gently tousled and is in a gray dress the portends conservativeness while showing off the figure earned through hours at the gym. She has an easy...

Threat

Jan 15, 2010 8:29pm

I woke up with my mind on the tip of his cock, my tongue round the ridge of its head. It's from sleeping in his scent, his sweat, my scent, my sweat, that keeps my mind locked in place.It had been a long time since we had slammed into each...

Intolerance

Jan 11, 2010 1:44pm

I'm so sad. And so tired. And so tired, of being sad.When I moved back to town, my friend said I needed to create a "positive narrative" for myself. (Yes, he really talks like that.) I suspect he thought I should be able to tell the story of what I'm...

Eggs Over Easy With a Side of Lawnmower

Jan 3, 2010 4:15pm

After the last post, which I know was depressing for everyone, I've been waiting for something less depressing to say. This, unfortunately, hasn't been coming to me, mostly because I've been nastily depressed. However, something happened to me today that I deem worth sharing.Today, for the first time since I...

I Just Know I'm Impossible

Dec 19, 2009 2:11pm

I am other-less. Utterly. Other-less. Significant or not. No others. None at all.And it has been that way for years. Years. I sound so old. I feel so old. My life is so old.I can't find a way to reach people. To make them think that I'm worth reaching for,...

Back

Dec 16, 2009 4:15pm

Huzah, I have returned.I apologize for the unscheduled silence but much has been happening in this tiny burble of mine and it has prevented me from doing much word creation. Much of anything at all, it so blatantly seems.If you haven't kept up, or if I haven't gotten around to...

Bailey's: Bringing countries together

Dec 1, 2009 10:09pm

Since being disallowed entry to the country where I was living, things haven’t been going terribly well for me, and hence the lack of verbiage. It’s not so much that I didn’t want to write as much as I was either too busy being on hold with “customer service” or...

Kitties Are On Their Way

Nov 8, 2009 10:41am

It looks like my cats are headed home. I am so thankful. I tell myself that when they get here I will feel better, but I suspect it isn't true. I suspect I will be as fucked up as ever.But at least their furry little heartbeats will be on my...

But it seems, not

Nov 7, 2009 5:40pm

So I had this job at the Empire. It was a good job, an impressive job, and a job that looked good on my resume. I didn't particularly like it, but I was going to put in five years or so to see if it got better. Either that, or...

Antidepressants for Bipolars?

Nov 5, 2009 4:14pm

If you're bipolar you hopefully already know this, but there is a big controversy as to whether antidepressants should be prescribed to bipolars at all. Some say that antidepressants will destabilize bipolars and thus hurt more than they will help.My advice? If you can get better on mood stabilizers alone,...

Everywhere Is Anywhere

Nov 4, 2009 1:05pm

So I've survived this long, after being kicked out of my country, and being separated from my my cats. Yes, I'm surprised too.But I have to say, I'm hugely down on myself. I can't stop beating myself up for being so stupid as to get turned away in the first...