Woman.Anonymous7

This is an open journal of my experience coping with infidelity and sex addiction. Or...What To Expect When You Weren't Expecting. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B. Smedes

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2 years, 8 months

Feb 2, 2010 7:51am

Things continue to be...good. I think that's the best word. When I focus on being related and connected, Husband are I are related and connected. Sometimes, though, I become aware of the distance that I still feel between us, all coming from my side I think. We were making love...

More addicts getting help in the mainstream

Jan 13, 2010 6:59pm

A very good thing:http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2807214/Tiger-Woods-in-rehab-to-cure-his-sex-drive.html...

Yes, Joe - I'm letting go

Dec 13, 2009 11:05pm

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph CampbellSo much of my pain comes from thinking about the past, worrying about the future, and fantasizing about how life might have been different. I find my...

Pulling into the present (again)

Dec 4, 2009 5:14pm

Since I wrote about creating a deep, connected, loving partnership with this new man who stands where the man I married once stood I've had more peace, both in my relationship and in my self.When I focus on connecting with Husband, he responds and I feel the possibility of our...

We've started telling people

Nov 30, 2009 4:16pm

When I first discovered Husband's secret life, I told only three close girlfriends - two that are sisters to me but live far away and one that lives close to me who I knew would be more inclined to listen than to judge (she's the one I made a pass...

Seeping and shedding

Nov 22, 2009 9:21am

After having so much peace and resolution about Husband's lies and infidelity, and a lot of growth and learning under my belt, I'm always surprised when I backslide. Grief still seeps in some days, even though there's no logical reason for that to happen.I think despite progress I still grieve...

I made the outreach call

Nov 14, 2009 11:44am

And it was a good thing. I asked my friend what I should do about all the feelings I was having. She recommended that I make sure to acknowledge Husband's progress at the same time so he wouldn't go into shame. (Sounds very codie, but we are.)That's what I wanted...

Still pissed after all these "I'm sorries"

Nov 13, 2009 12:52pm

What do you say when you are still angry and resentful toward someone who has sincerely apologized 1000 times already?I'm sitting here on the phone with the IRS getting to the bottom of all the taxes Husband didn't pay while he was in the throes of his illness, some of...

Back to basics

Nov 4, 2009 8:24pm

Getting back to practices, facing outward and connecting, focusing on the present, taking care of myself - working all these things is grounding me and getting me back to a peaceful place. It's like the fog suddenly comes in and settles, and then lifts just as unexpectedly. Was life like...

All things point to surrender (again)

Nov 1, 2009 10:57am

What I'm left with after reading and church this week is that I can find peace and freedom in surrender and gratitude.Notes to self (again):Step one: I'm powerless. Just admit it and surrender (over and over and over again!)One day at a time.My most important relationship is with my higher...

No "fuck you"

Oct 30, 2009 12:16am

Because I have decided to try to work on my relationship with Husband, I've never had that final fuck-you moment. I've never been able to declare myself completely free of his influence and power over me. Instead I have said, "Yes, I gave you power over me - I gave...

So how do you cultivate self esteem?

Oct 22, 2009 8:20pm

On the Pat Morrison radio show yesterday, Rabbi Harold Kushner said "I would make a distinction between curing, making a problem go away, and healing, which is giving a person the emotional, spiritual resources to cope with a problem that isn't going away." I think this is an insightful way...

I am my own white night

Oct 7, 2009 11:03pm

At my S-Anon meeting this week we talked about some of the surprising things we'd learned about ourselves in the recovery process.One of the big things I've learned is how much power I'd given over to Husband. I'm not a person who becomes intimate with many people, and at the...

Metaphors, puns and rambling out of the fog

Aug 28, 2009 1:02pm

My son was in tears the other day because he accidentally erased his profile on his Nintendo DS game Lego Battles. He explained to my mother, who couldn't understand the problem this presented, that it meant that everything he'd accomplished, done, overcome, figured out, and scored over the past month...

Stuck...again

Aug 18, 2009 11:08am

After two years of gigantic personal growth spurts, newly discovered spirituality, and tons of therapy, it would seem like everything would be on the up and up, yes?Well of course not! The whole "journey, not a destination" rigmarole seems to be proving true once again. (This is why it gets...

Forgive but can't forget?

Aug 13, 2009 10:08am

A good article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32387125/ns/today-today_relationships/I've been struggling with this issue of getting past the past lately. Don't know why it's coming up now, more than two years out. But healing from sex addiction and betrayal has its own timeline, and while I can work hard, and I can watch Husband working...

Bringing spiritual practices into my life

Jul 28, 2009 4:43pm

I've come quite a long way from my former fear and suspicion of any concept of a higher power. I've found that spiritual practices such as meditation, yoga and prayer to the god of my understanding result in peace and serenity in the face of that which is unknown and...

Digging deeper on my side of the street

Jun 24, 2009 3:37pm

Husband and I were beginning to make love one night last week, and I was wrestling with being trapped in my head.Earlier in the evening as I was washing dishes somehow my mind went to thinking about how husband could have been spending his time with prostitutes while I was...

Transition out of therapy

Jun 14, 2009 12:59pm

Since the beginning of June, and at the suggestion of his therapist, Husband has concluded both his individual and group therapy. Husband consulted me about this decision, and said that his therapist had offered to see us together if I was uncomfortable with this transition. But I decided that if...

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Jun 4, 2009 7:43pm

On June 1, 2007 my life disintegrated when I found out that my husband and best friend of 20 years had spent tens of thousands of dollars having intercourse with high priced prostitutes for the past 3 1/2 years, and had been visiting strip clubs for lap dances since before...

Finding love in loss

May 12, 2009 9:59am

The Buddhist Reviews Tricycle Magazine publishes a "Daily Dharma" email that excerpts writings on Buddhism.Today's edition about finding love in loss, from Lorne Ladner's book The Lost Art of Compassion, so aptly described what this journey has been for me:"To live a meaningful life, each of us must step outside...

What am I afriad of?

May 4, 2009 8:18pm

For the past several weeks I've been wrestling with fears. I even woke one night and went through Husband's emails and Twitter friends to see what I would find. I found nothing, and I don't have any reason to think anything's going on. It's surprising, because I'd have thought from...

What I see about my fear

Mar 29, 2009 7:55pm

So I look at my last post and what I see is that I have some desire to control what Husband is thinking because I use what he's thinking to define myself.That's part of where the fear comes from.I know that for me wanting to control what I can't is...

Applying what I am learning

Mar 24, 2009 12:16am

Last night Husband and I were making love, and I had the usual invasive thoughts and images of him with other women that usually accompany any sexual activity between us.This time those were fraught with fears about Husband fantasizing about other women while he was making love to me.I tried...

"Oh come all ye faithful.."

Mar 22, 2009 4:08pm

A medium recently sang that Christmas carol to me when she was channeling my dead relatives. Only after the session was over did I catch the irony coming at me from the Other Side (or at the very least from her.)It's ironic that out of my husband being "unfaithful," I...