Mommy Has A Headache

Everywhere I go on the blogosphere these days there seem to be men saying they get a raw deal in marriage. The feeling in the air is that women have all the power in marriage especially due to sex. That they ration sex in marriage, giving out rations when they feel...

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A 1966 video about the future of the modern family computer failed to predict that 99 per cent of the content of the computer would be spam/internet porn - that would in time make computer use a living hell I was thinking about all the things I hate about modern life...

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Ode to a Tampon Tampons are something no man wants to discuss Like what is their function? It just makes men blush When we tell them that they just need to rush To the chemist because we are a dam about to gush They make silly suggestions to which we reply: "No a rolled up slice of...

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There are many problems with the idea of feminism - most of which have to do with the fact that the world we live in is so far from being equal between men and women that it is maybe better not to be financially and emotionally self-sufficient but to piggyback...

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There are only a few things that can break us out of our artificial twentieth (and twenty-first) century isolation: 1. The World Cup - kissing strangers/usually involves alcohol 2. The Second World War during The Blitz - when people united against the Jerries and produced illegitimate offspring in Underground/Air Raid Shelters Yes I...

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The question of whether soul mates exist was tossed in the air here this week and rather made me giggle. But when I had sufficiently composed myself to stop gibbering like a babboon I was ready to grab my quill and put my thoughts on paper. Do I believe soul mates...

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As part of a writing group I have joined which gives us prompts every week I am tackling the theme of What have the voices in your head been saying lately? Now, I am the first to admit that I have a huge problem with voices in my head. In fact I recently read...

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Often I hear my single male friends whine "What do women want?" It seems that when it comes to women most men do not know how to seduce women. Believe me it is the easiest thing in the world, so why do men buy pricy books about tricking women by...

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If you have girls there comes a point where they become seriously good value. Maybe because I never had a sister and my girls are now six and eight I am now entering into one of those happy phases of parenting where it is mostly a joy to be around...

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Imagine if you will a haggis skin filled with cold porridge. The sort of body that seeps over the edge of chair as if alive like Jabba the Hutt. Imagine a woman liverish in skin tone who sits in the entrance of an apartment block wearing a two hundred year old...

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I am not sure what has happened but I think I am going to become one of them whingers who whines on about their weight. I looked at one of them BMI charts and found myself to be twenty pounds over the average weight for my height so I thought...

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[I got one of those nauseating boasting end of year letters featuring kids wearing matching reindeer sweaters today - naturally I felt the need to pen my own gloating letter taking the piss just a tad!]Dear Friends,It's that time of year again. The time for my annual Christmas letter. I...

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My pal Dulwich Mum handed me the meme baton and I am helpless but to respect her orders. She asked me for some of my favourite film moments. I must say that these days I have rather gone off the silver screen but as a teenager movies had a vice-like...

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I am much blessed ... Southern cook Paula Deen has been staying with me and we worked our way through quite a lot of food let me tell you. Here [this is me doing the impersonation!!] Paula tries to get creative making a gingerbread house in my kitchen! See if...

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People say that if you really want to change you can but I'm afraid I don't buy it. Take me learning Spanish. I have done evening classes for nearly a year and a half now and I am totally fluent if by fluent you mean I could easily converse with...

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Think of all the famous double acts you know. Think of ...The KrankiesRod Hull and EmuJohn Noakes and ShepPosh and BecksWell watch this space because there's a new double act in town. It's called Kaufmann and Martin and while I admit the name may need a bit of work myself...

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I had always thought that Karaoke was a universally understood language. Okay so I have only ever done it in Britain but if someone said, "Oh Dave gave a brilliant Karaoke performance Saturday Night," you'd immediately reply, "Oh really, did he.......Trip over a cable and smash his head?"....sing like a...

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You can call them differently weighted, gravitationally challenged, horizontally challenged, horizontally gifted, people of mass or people of substance but whichever way you slice the lard I call them obese.United Airlines was a voice of reason in the wilderness when they said that obese people should have to pay for...

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Yesterday night my husband John, the kids and myself had been invited round to my friend Hannah’s house for trick or treating. But more exciting for me was the fact that I was finally going to meet Ed, her new boyfriend.Now Hannah has been dating this guy for four months...

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No, it's not April Fool's Day I swear. David Hasselhoff, of Knight Rider, Baywatch and America’s Got Talent fame is opening up his brain and allowing you the opportunity to dig deep into his legendary wisdom. Yes, The Hoff's BRAIN now has an IPhone application called Ask The Hoff which...

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"Ah yes,and here at the end of the tour we come to the desk of the famous writer Emma Kaufmann who wrote many a bonkbuster at this desk. She claimed chaos fuelled her creativity."If you are wondering where I have gone I really am writing a novel - honest. The...

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Not a lot of people know this but Hallmark has declared today as 'Stalkers Day'. This is a day in which we celebrate the brave men and women who have laid down their lives to stalk celebrities and in some cases normal people like you and me. They risk being...

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Hmm, let me just take a good look at these lumpsI am a notorious skinflint. I will buy a two for one offer even if I don't need the item on sale. And although I try and avoid doctors I recently found myself at a dermatologists because my daughter was...

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Forgive me father for I have sinned. I talked to a FOX Reporter. I did it without a gun being placed to my head. As it was my views were too left of field to be included but I know I did wrong.They wanted me to tell them that Obama...

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I know JFK looked like a bullfrog, but he was a sexy bullfrogOne thing that I have never fully understood is people okay women who fancy Barack Obama. He is certainly not repulsive but he has the sexual allure of maybe a Ken doll. It's just that somehow I imagine...

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