The Daily Reviewer | Mommy Has A Headache

Are you my ying? Am I your yang?

Feb 4, 2010 8:00am

The question of whether soul mates exist was tossed in the air here this week and rather made me giggle. But when I had sufficiently composed myself to stop gibbering like a babboon I was ready to grab my quill and put my thoughts on paper. Do I believe soul mates...

The Lunatic Is In My Head

Jan 27, 2010 8:51am

As part of a writing group I have joined which gives us prompts every week I am tackling the theme of What have the voices in your head been saying lately? Now, I am the first to admit that I have a huge problem with voices in my head. In fact I recently read...

Speedy Seductions

Jan 22, 2010 7:39am

Often I hear my single male friends whine "What do women want?" It seems that when it comes to women most men do not know how to seduce women. Believe me it is the easiest thing in the world, so why do men buy pricy books about tricking women by...

Have you been Pinkified?

Jan 18, 2010 12:49pm

If you have girls there comes a point where they become seriously good value. Maybe because I never had a sister and my girls are now six and eight I am now entering into one of those happy phases of parenting where it is mostly a joy to be around...

Arsenic Brownies

Jan 13, 2010 11:36am

Imagine if you will a haggis skin filled with cold porridge. The sort of body that seeps over the edge of chair as if alive like Jabba the Hutt. Imagine a woman liverish in skin tone who sits in the entrance of an apartment block wearing a two hundred year old...

All Hail the Gym Buddha

Jan 6, 2010 9:23am

I am not sure what has happened but I think I am going to become one of them whingers who whines on about their weight. I looked at one of them BMI charts and found myself to be twenty pounds over the average weight for my height so I thought...

2009 Roundup - Drowning in Blessings!

Dec 22, 2009 10:40am

[I got one of those nauseating boasting end of year letters featuring kids wearing matching reindeer sweaters today - naturally I felt the need to pen my own gloating letter taking the piss just a tad!]Dear Friends,It's that time of year again. The time for my annual Christmas letter. I...

Celluloid Shenanigans

Dec 17, 2009 9:48am

My pal Dulwich Mum handed me the meme baton and I am helpless but to respect her orders. She asked me for some of my favourite film moments. I must say that these days I have rather gone off the silver screen but as a teenager movies had a vice-like...

Take That Ya'll

Dec 16, 2009 9:11am

I am much blessed ... Southern cook Paula Deen has been staying with me and we worked our way through quite a lot of food let me tell you. Here [this is me doing the impersonation!!] Paula tries to get creative making a gingerbread house in my kitchen! See if...

Speaking in Spanish Tongues

Dec 6, 2009 1:27pm

People say that if you really want to change you can but I'm afraid I don't buy it. Take me learning Spanish. I have done evening classes for nearly a year and a half now and I am totally fluent if by fluent you mean I could easily converse with...

The Krankies Reloaded

Dec 4, 2009 11:28am

Think of all the famous double acts you know. Think of ...The KrankiesRod Hull and EmuJohn Noakes and ShepPosh and BecksWell watch this space because there's a new double act in town. It's called Kaufmann and Martin and while I admit the name may need a bit of work myself...

Kultural Karaoke Konfusion

Nov 17, 2009 10:18am

I had always thought that Karaoke was a universally understood language. Okay so I have only ever done it in Britain but if someone said, "Oh Dave gave a brilliant Karaoke performance Saturday Night," you'd immediately reply, "Oh really, did he.......Trip over a cable and smash his head?"....sing like a...

Fat Flyers are the last taboo

Nov 15, 2009 8:10am

You can call them differently weighted, gravitationally challenged, horizontally challenged, horizontally gifted, people of mass or people of substance but whichever way you slice the lard I call them obese.United Airlines was a voice of reason in the wilderness when they said that obese people should have to pay for...

Her Imaginary Boyfriend

Nov 3, 2009 9:12am

Yesterday night my husband John, the kids and myself had been invited round to my friend Hannah’s house for trick or treating. But more exciting for me was the fact that I was finally going to meet Ed, her new boyfriend.Now Hannah has been dating this guy for four months...

Knight Rider turns Shrink

Oct 28, 2009 9:22am

No, it's not April Fool's Day I swear. David Hasselhoff, of Knight Rider, Baywatch and America’s Got Talent fame is opening up his brain and allowing you the opportunity to dig deep into his legendary wisdom. Yes, The Hoff's BRAIN now has an IPhone application called Ask The Hoff which...

I Birthed a Closet Organiser

Oct 28, 2009 9:19am

"Ah yes,and here at the end of the tour we come to the desk of the famous writer Emma Kaufmann who wrote many a bonkbuster at this desk. She claimed chaos fuelled her creativity."If you are wondering where I have gone I really am writing a novel - honest. The...

Happy Stalkers Day!

Sep 22, 2009 9:14am

Not a lot of people know this but Hallmark has declared today as 'Stalkers Day'. This is a day in which we celebrate the brave men and women who have laid down their lives to stalk celebrities and in some cases normal people like you and me. They risk being...

Making Money Hand Over Cyst

Sep 15, 2009 9:38am

Hmm, let me just take a good look at these lumpsI am a notorious skinflint. I will buy a two for one offer even if I don't need the item on sale. And although I try and avoid doctors I recently found myself at a dermatologists because my daughter was...

Fame Whore seeks forgiveness

Sep 6, 2009 8:55am

Forgive me father for I have sinned. I talked to a FOX Reporter. I did it without a gun being placed to my head. As it was my views were too left of field to be included but I know I did wrong.They wanted me to tell them that Obama...

Obamagasms All Round

Aug 29, 2009 7:47am

I know JFK looked like a bullfrog, but he was a sexy bullfrogOne thing that I have never fully understood is people okay women who fancy Barack Obama. He is certainly not repulsive but he has the sexual allure of maybe a Ken doll. It's just that somehow I imagine...

Chasing the Chocolate Dragon at Nobbin Island - Chapter 1

Aug 21, 2009 8:30am

Now that addiction memoirs are all the rage I am really hopping mad that I'm not addicted to anything (too lazy mainly, scoring drugs is very hard work). So I had a go at writing a sob memoir that pokes fun at the(particularly American) notion of addiction. Can you top...

Work Ethic Minority

Aug 4, 2009 11:07am

Home sales are on the rise again in the USA which means that the economy has stabilized and the stimulus package has stimulated parts that other packages could not reach. Meanwhile, Ireland's Celtic Tiger has given its last gasp and has now become a Celtic Earthworm. Did you know that...

Is Brad Pitt the pits?

Jul 29, 2009 2:39pm

I know Smellorama has been around for donkey's years but I was quite intrigued by the fact that they now call it Odorama and that an Odorama version of cute 80s comedy Gregory's Girl was recently screened in Edinburgh and that some of the smells were bad ones.In the Odorama...

Feck Off and Show Us Your Cankles

Jul 23, 2009 12:12pm

If you are bald you can wear a hat or get Elton John style hair plugs. If you have love handles you can become an anorexic. If you have a face like a pug you can get surgery. If you are 600lb you can get your stomach stapled.But what do...

Fagged Out

Jul 15, 2009 8:27am

Hello, my mother is staying with me and I am now Fagged Out.Does anyone else have a mother who: 1. Starts talking at 6am in the morning and keeps going until ten at night in a piercing Austrian accent?2. Gives me a blow by blow detailed description of all the...