mothers on the verge

Happy Mother's Day, fellow matriarchs. Although personally, it's highly likely I'd have forgotten if the the kids hadn't woken me up with excited demands for large amounts of moolah. "Whaddyaneedmoneyfor?" I mumbled, trying to pull the pillows over my head to escape the cruel daylight seeping through the curtain gaps...

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We get all sorts coming through our doors since we relocated to Dubai. Some for a holiday, some passing through, some looking for refuge and a (tiny) few choosing the homely comforts and quirky charm of Casa Alpha over the straightforward luxury of a business trip hotel. Having guests is a new experience...

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One of the peculiarities of living in Dubai is that you eventually figure out that 99% of the people residing here are somewhat liberal with the truth. In fact, many people will happily and blatantly lie to your face. They will try to stick to their story like superglue, even when faced with the sort of...

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Okay. Maybe I'm not exactly a girl anymore since I'm most certainly the wrong side of 25 (oh, ok then, make that 35), but whatever I am, I like it. These are the reasons why: Women have the extraordinary ability to discuss the state of their vaginas - usually in a post-childbirth context...

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Someone called Chen has kindly offered me riches beyond my wildest dreams via email; the subject says '100% legal', a great relief as obviously I was slightly concerned as to its validity. I'll let you know how I get on, shall I? ...

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Pity party is officially over, hurrah, but been a bit busy with visitors etc, not to mention the looming excitement of the school Spring Fayre. This annual extravaganza has had all the resident schoolie alpha mums in a right old twitter (the old fashioned kind, not the Ashton-n-Demi kind) and there's...

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Am back in the land of the living but still grumpier than hell. Will blog again when mood improves. Suspect I will feel much better when I am no longer limited to one glass of wine once in a blue moon, am forced to sniff other people's nicotine when passing...

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Sick with sinusitis and probable bladder infection. This low immune system pregnancy thing is starting to seriously suck. Back with you in a couple of days. Unless I come down with typhoid. Or the plague. Moan much? Yeah, I know. ...

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Did Dinosaur art part 2 today. I still don't like dinosaurs but I do like teaching 7-year-olds. They're just so appreciative. I was treated with an embarrassing reverence all because my drawing skills don't totally suck (but let me get this straight, I'm no Picasso). I tell you, it's almost...

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I'm teaching a rabble of 7 year olds how to draw dinosaurs tomorrow. What am I letting myself in for? Am I truly insane? I mean, I don't even like dinosaurs. ... Am I turning into an Alpha Mum? Oh sh*t. ...

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OK, I take it back about hating ALL Frenchies everywhere. I have met a nice Frenchie at school who appears to be a normal human being. I know, I know. It's a shocker! I can hear your gasps of surprise. How can this be? you exclaim. This is outside of...

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The Small(er) One is revelling in her newfound ability to write. When she's taking a break from writing Alpha and I little notes to tell us that she'll be moving house as fast as she can pack her bags, mainly due to the fact that we don't give her enough chocolate, she's...

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People who use the last of the milk then put the empty carton back in the fridge. Like I won't notice. Dur. ...

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Am currently embroiled in a Herculean attempt to have my cooker repaired. So far it has taken nigh on three weeks and two different sets of 'technicians' - possibly misnamed as so far they have failed to display much in the way of any kind of technique (except for champion level ar*e and head scratching, and a...

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OK. I've had enough. I am declaring war on all ze Frenchies. Not just the gaggle of Frenchies in Dubai. But every Frenchie in the world that I might come across one day in the near or distant future. And I will be especially merciless towards French women. Why, you ask? What could these...

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People who send me annoying emails using multiple !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! marks. Grrrrr. ...

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Having had no babies in our house for half a decade Alpha and I are in dire need of a refresher course before the arrival of Peanut this summer. So we've been hanging out with as many small babies as possible in an effort to ease ourselves back in gently...

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Lie #1: "You're really blooming."  Translation: "You're actually ballooning. Like a huge blimp. Euww." Lie #2: "No, no, you cry if you need too. Pregnancy hormones, hey? Quite normal, I'm sure."  Translation: "You're a total nutter. Unhinged and insane. How soon can I make my excuses and leave, never to return?" Lie...

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Apparently it's a gourmet delicacy.  Er, yum? ...

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Usually this would be the time for me to be writing down my New Year's resolutions but since I rarely give any of them a second thought after mid January I've decided not to bother at all this year. Also, being pregnant I can't do any of the fun stuff...

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The Small(er) One has now lost her two front baby teeth in the space of three days, gleefully placing her hard-earned Tooth Fairy cash into her piggy bank and flashing an alarmingly gappy smile at all and sundry while forcing them to take a close look at her red-raw newly-exposed...

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The Small(er) One is close to losing her two front teeth and is terrifically excited at the prospect of crossing this latest Big Girl threshold. Firstborn, delighted she can parade her prior expertise in the tooth losing arena, has been dispensing knowledge at every available opportunity with the occasional scare story thrown...

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In the back of the car on the way to school this morning. Firstborn: "Lily's big brother says things like 'wow that girl is really hot'. He thinks he's a teenager or something but he's actually only nine." The Small(er) One: "What does 'hot' mean?" Firstborn: "That he thinks the girl is really...

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