mothers on the verge
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The secret teenager within
Feb 4, 2010 3:12am
Did Dinosaur art part 2 today. I still don't like dinosaurs but I do like teaching 7-year-olds. They're just so appreciative. I was treated with an embarrassing reverence all because my drawing skills don't totally suck (but let me get this straight, I'm no Picasso). I tell you, it's almost...
I don't like dinosaurs
Jan 31, 2010 8:47am
I'm teaching a rabble of 7 year olds how to draw dinosaurs tomorrow. What am I letting myself in for? Am I truly insane? I mean, I don't even like dinosaurs. ... Am I turning into an Alpha Mum? Oh sh*t. ...
Reprieve for ONE Frenchie
Jan 29, 2010 4:52am
OK, I take it back about hating ALL Frenchies everywhere. I have met a nice Frenchie at school who appears to be a normal human being. I know, I know. It's a shocker! I can hear your gasps of surprise. How can this be? you exclaim. This is outside of...
Letter from the Small(er) One
Jan 27, 2010 9:45pm
The Small(er) One is revelling in her newfound ability to write. When she's taking a break from writing Alpha and I little notes to tell us that she'll be moving house as fast as she can pack her bags, mainly due to the fact that we don't give her enough chocolate, she's...
Pet Peeve # 2034
Jan 26, 2010 9:53pm
People who use the last of the milk then put the empty carton back in the fridge. Like I won't notice. Dur. ...
A rant about melting cookers, empty promises and inept repairmen
Jan 26, 2010 7:29am
Am currently embroiled in a Herculean attempt to have my cooker repaired. So far it has taken nigh on three weeks and two different sets of 'technicians' - possibly misnamed as so far they have failed to display much in the way of any kind of technique (except for champion level ar*e and head scratching, and a...
YLM declares war on ze Frenchies
Jan 22, 2010 11:33pm
OK. I've had enough. I am declaring war on all ze Frenchies. Not just the gaggle of Frenchies in Dubai. But every Frenchie in the world that I might come across one day in the near or distant future. And I will be especially merciless towards French women. Why, you ask? What could these...
Pet Peeve #2031
Jan 20, 2010 8:17am
People who send me annoying emails using multiple !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! marks. Grrrrr. ...
Things I'd forgotten about babies
Jan 12, 2010 2:03am
Having had no babies in our house for half a decade Alpha and I are in dire need of a refresher course before the arrival of Peanut this summer. So we've been hanging out with as many small babies as possible in an effort to ease ourselves back in gently...
Pregnancy lies 101: what every expectant mum should know
Jan 10, 2010 5:47am
Lie #1: "You're really blooming." Translation: "You're actually ballooning. Like a huge blimp. Euww." Lie #2: "No, no, you cry if you need too. Pregnancy hormones, hey? Quite normal, I'm sure." Translation: "You're a total nutter. Unhinged and insane. How soon can I make my excuses and leave, never to return?" Lie...
Happy New Year
Jan 1, 2010 12:03pm
Usually this would be the time for me to be writing down my New Year's resolutions but since I rarely give any of them a second thought after mid January I've decided not to bother at all this year. Also, being pregnant I can't do any of the fun stuff...
Dec 22, 2009 9:32am
The Small(er) One has now lost her two front baby teeth in the space of three days, gleefully placing her hard-earned Tooth Fairy cash into her piggy bank and flashing an alarmingly gappy smile at all and sundry while forcing them to take a close look at her red-raw newly-exposed...
The tooth fairy is rumbled
Dec 19, 2009 5:35am
The Small(er) One is close to losing her two front teeth and is terrifically excited at the prospect of crossing this latest Big Girl threshold. Firstborn, delighted she can parade her prior expertise in the tooth losing arena, has been dispensing knowledge at every available opportunity with the occasional scare story thrown...
Overheard
Dec 17, 2009 8:10am
In the back of the car on the way to school this morning. Firstborn: "Lily's big brother says things like 'wow that girl is really hot'. He thinks he's a teenager or something but he's actually only nine." The Small(er) One: "What does 'hot' mean?" Firstborn: "That he thinks the girl is really...
The Christmas play bun fight
Dec 15, 2009 3:51am
Why is it that the Christmas play brings out the very worst in people? This is especially true of Alpha Mum who seems to transform into an even more vile and annoying being at this time of year. There I was, innocently thinking that if I dropped the kids off to...
Dubai driving conundrums
Dec 14, 2009 11:34am
1. Why does the average Dubai driver keep the plastic wrap on their car upholstery? Is it to preserve that fresh-from-the-car-showroom excitement factor for as long as possible? Or do they simply not know how to take it off? It can't be that they're worried about getting the leather seats all...
What would happen if men got pregnant?
Dec 13, 2009 1:33am
1. Contraception would suddenly become 100% effective 2. The attention of all (male) scientists would shift from silly little diseases like H1N1 and HIV to more urgent matters, such as eradicating morning sickness, backache, swollen nipples and even more inconvenient nasties such as childbirth. Babies would be born by painlessly popping out of the male bellybutton...
All hail David Thorne
Dec 12, 2009 4:45am
I've just found my newest internet diversion - this guy is the dog's doodahs for sure. Laugh? It's the closest I've come to wetting my pants in over three decades. That's got to be worth something. Check it out (this one's my favorite). ...
Merry Christmas, one and all
Dec 10, 2009 12:44am
As you know my altered hormones have left me a bit soft in the head so please forgive me if this stunning fact isn't exactly front page news but today I came up with the exciting realisation that here in Dubai.... .... there's no dastardly jingley-jangley Christmas carols playing on a...
Pregnant pause
Dec 9, 2009 4:04am
It's possible that some of my brain has come back. Well, I'm able to turn the computer on and I can remember how to type, which is a start at least. The reason for this new intelligence low? Well, it appears that I'm pregnant with #3. It's not entirely a...
Dec 7, 2009 3:56am
Firstborn is off sick from school with a tummy bug. But her super-speedy recovery from being a pale and pathetic waif this morning to bouncy and rosy-cheeked cheerleader this afternoon has made me a little suspicious. Think I might need to speak to Firstborn's teacher when I pick up the Small(er) One from school...
Secret squirrel
Dec 1, 2009 4:51am
Got writers block. Or rather, have writers block because I have a secret which I want to share but for one reason and another am unable to quite yet. Thus can't think of anything else to write about until the secret is out. Very annoying. All will be revealed soon. ...
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